Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
