Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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