My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
