someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
