the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
