Where is the hickey?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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