we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
sex in a hospital.. check
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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