Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
