I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
