i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
