this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
