He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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