bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I was not drunk enough for that final.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
