My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
