Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
