I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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