mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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