what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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