when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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