Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
