Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
