perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
