Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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