i would punch a child for taco bell
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
