Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
