The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
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I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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