you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
