three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
