Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize