i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
it was like eating out sand paper
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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