Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
