he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize