He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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