Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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