I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
