I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
