i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Let's get the cat blown out
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
