I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
