Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
