How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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