He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
No stitches, just platelets and will power
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
