his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
