i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
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seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
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I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
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