i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Enjoy the penises
Randomize
