It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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