this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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