I met the friendliest cop last night
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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