She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
