I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
