ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
