i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
