his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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