Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
