Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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