hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
