turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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