Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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