I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
