coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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