I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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