The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
