he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
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