I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
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