I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
His nipple licking is glorious
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