some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
