Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
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