That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
